We headed off to Thorpe Park on Saturday for a little fun and games. With an earlier start to the morning than we would if we were working (gah!), we got there for about 9:00. The thing I dislike (and don’t most people?) about theme parks is queueing. Regardless of this, we joined Fail queue number 1, to buy tickets. Post this, we joined Fail queue number 2, to hand tickets in. Then Hannah and I got stopped as we looked suspicious, so we had to wait in Fail queue number 3 to get searched and screened for knives etc.
Anyway, after a bit of faffing, and Pol taking an awful long time to poo, we made it to the rides and set off on our journey through time and space…
Stealth
The first ride to go on should always be the biggest/busiest as the queue would be shortest. Hannah feeling ill gave a it a miss, so Pol, Leila and myself went to queue. And then it broke down. The car was flung up, stopped at the top, and rolled back down into the starting position. Oops… 15/20 minutes later, it was fixed and we were queueing again (in Fail queue number 4). It’s a quick ride, very fast (faster than anything at Alton Towers), a nice exhiliarating ride for the morning. Rating: 8/10
Tidal Wave
Thankfully, there was very little queueing for this, as not many people were mad enough to get this wet. We got very wet, so Hannah wanted to go on it again, so we got even more wet. Rating: 7/10
Detonator
A moderately sized fail queue for this one, and it was the most unsafe-feeling ride I’ve been on ever (except maybe the roller coaster on Clarance Pier…). It was over very quickly though, thankfully… Rating: 6/10
Rumba Rapids
A typical rapids-type ride, was well met after a filling Triple Whopper at Burger King to prevent seeing lunch again. Gentle and relaxing, very nice. Rating: 6/10
X:\No Way Out
The second ride that had broken down, we waited in another Fail queue for a little while. After another 15/20 minutes, we managed to get on through the dark tunnels (ooh, spooky…). A strange ride, it goes backwards, and did a lot of stopping and starting. I think perhaps it could’ve been a little longer, and it was a little rickety. Rating 7/10
Rush
Another nice long Fail queue which was longer than expected with some windy bits. Rush is a very noisy ride, due to the enormous air compressors. Nevertheless, it was a really great feeling, and I grinned pretty much all the way through. Rating: 8/10
Colossus
An immense Fail queue for this one, but it was just Pol and me this time. After a long queue (and some annoying kids who kept barging into me…), we made it to the ride platform… where it stopped for a little while due to “essential cleaning”… i.e. some inconsiderate bastard had puked everywhere. Another 15/20 minutes later and we were on it, and it really was all over the place. Plenty of loops and a long corkscrew, it gave Pol a banging headache. I had fun though, so: Rating 8/10
Nemesis Inferno
Alton Towers’ Nemesis’ little sister, Nemesis Inferno had a reasonably large Fail queue. It was nearly as good as Nemesis, but sort of lacking something. The photo was also split into two, so Leila was on her own and Pol and myself together, which I thought was a bit odd… Not as good as the original Nemesis. Rating: 7/10
Depth Charge
It was getting late, we were tired, so we went on Depth Charge on the way out. A small Fail queue for about 20 minutes or so led to a wet bottom, and a terrified James (I wish I could’ve afforded to buy the picture!). Not bad, a nice gentle finish to the day which included Hannah at least. Rating: 6/10
The Verdict
Well – as Pol mentioned to me walking out, there’s something missing from this theme park… and that’s themes. The themes were vague and unclear unlike Alton Towers, where you know exactly what the theme is. The rides weren’t too bad, just below par with Alton Towers, but the redeeming factor was that the queues were a lot smaller. Overall Rating: 7/10
